© Copyright Marks R. Nester 2018
This page was last updated on 6 September 2018.
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Uluru, Australia
If poor writing is an art form then the author has mastered it
That’s one of the reviews for my forthcoming book, but I don’t care. I wrote it myself.
The accidental author
It would be more accurate to say that I wrote an unintended book.
In 2016 I gave considerable thought to writing an introductory Koine (New Testament) Greek language book, as opposed to yet another Greek grammar book. I was thinking of something in the style of Orberg’s or Linney’s latin texts. I concluded that I would not be capable of writing something with which I would be happy, and so I gave up. At the same time, I also began writing a textbook on statistical linear models.
Thus writing fiction was not on my mind. In fact, I spent years declaring that I could not possibly write fiction. Then on January 1, 2017 at 4:00am, I woke up and my brain began flooding with ideas for a story. No, I wasn’t happy, I wanted to sleep. I finally dozed off again at about 6:00am. Later that day, my brain was still racing. I had no choice. I had to take out a notebook and begin recording the ideas, then writing the story. A fortnight later, my brain finally let me sleep in peace.
Sometimes I think my brain has a mind of its own.
“But Dad, you don’t read novels, so how can you write one?”
From her perspective, my daughter’s observation was true, and her question a good one. She’s now in her 20’s, and it’s about twenty years since I read a novel.
You may have guessed my immediate response, “At least I won’t be influenced by other writers.”
In my defense, I reckon I have read about 25 novels in my 66 years. Not much of a defense, eh? On the other hand, I continue to read a lot of nonfiction.
Being enamoured with my imagined success at writing a good yarn, and aware of some of my shortcomings, I offer the following tips to aspiring writers and share some of my own experiences.
Choose your genre
I feel as though the book chose me, so I can’t offer any suggestions here.
Choose your readers
By all means have a particular audience in mind, but don’t write with dollars on your mind.
I knew who my story might appeal to, but I concentrated on writing something which I personally would enjoy.
Think about what will make your book different from the millions out there
For me, ideas came easily but writing was challenging. My effort could perhaps best be described as a difference with a western, and I think it’s a fun ride. For instance, the essential ingredient of a delicious duck recipe is divulged, and readers discover why an uneducated and unrefined woman needs to learn good manners before robbing a bank. The secret of horse communications is even revealed, and I don’t just mean Horse code. Groan.
Do your research
I confess that I have never read a western, but I did watch a lot of cowboy films and shows when I was a kid. On the other hand, I spent a lot of time researching history, weapons, climate patterns, topography, etc. for my story.
Write well
Oops, I’m still struggling with that, but am improving. I stuck to my strengths, viz. straight narrative and dialog. I don’t have the patience to write a couple of hundred words to describe a scene.
Use simple language unless you’re trying to impress your readers with your peerless erudition.
My good wife told me that it’s very, very important not to use too many “very’s”.
And don’t begin too many sentences with a conjunction.
Don’t bore your readers
No matter what kind of book I read, I like short chapters. My particular effort has over forty chapters, averaging about two or three pages long. Yes, it’s more of a novella than a novel. It is structured as a series of mostly independent episodes, but if an episode seemed too long then I strove to break it down into shorter chapters.
I endeavoured to make the chapter titles interesting and sometimes quirky.
For most of my story, I alternated between fun and serious episodes.
It’s bad if your readers keep correctly anticipating what happens next, so keep them wondering and dish out a few surprises.
Use your thesaurus
Enough said.
Your characters are your treasures
Love your characters, even the bad and nasty ones. Understand them, and know them well. If they’re not machines then they probably have flaws. Some of them might need sustenance to help them grow.
One of my characters is a lot smarter than me, and at one stage she needed to formulate a complicated plan. I spent more than a month finalising a plan which I believed would be worthy of her abilities.
If you want to write then learn to fish
Successful angling requires good, fresh bait, a quality line and a sharp hook. So does writing for an audience.
It is important to arouse your reader’s interest early before they swim away.
I began by dangling what I hope will be a juicy morsel, then followed with a couple of pages which I fear some readers may find boring. In those couple of pages I quickly introduce a certain character before sending him overseas, never to be heard of again. Readers who know their history, or are even familiar with one particular film, will understand my reasons. At least I can guarantee a rewarding experience for all who persist. That’s a promise, and I already know that I can deliver. One of my chapters is called “A rewarding experience.”
Try a lottery ticket if you want to make your fortune
I’m guessing that the chances of writing a best-seller aren’t much greater than winning a lottery.
Don’t try to second guess what will sell well. Publishing companies have professionals which do that for a living, and they often get it wrong. J. K. Rowling was initially rejected by many such experts.
Keep your expectations low. I invested more than 600 hours in this project, which possibly means I’m extraordinarily slow. It also probably means I will earn just a few cents per hour. My day job paid better.
How to handle rejection
By self-publishing, I rejected all publishers before they rejected me. However, I did have an ulterior motive. I wanted to avoid the inevitable delays and hassles.
There are many issues and tactics to be considered when choosing between a publisher and self-publishing, so you should give this some serious thought.
Expect bad reviews
I can’t think of anything that everyone likes. I prepared for some damning criticisms by writing my own before I even wrote my story. I included some of them in my book. Fortunately, I also managed to procure a positive review long before I finished writing. It’s in there, too. Thanks, bro.
Is following me on Twitter a form of stalking?
Marketing and self-promotion are necessities. Sigh.
My story describes similarities between people and rattlesnakes. Perhaps I, too, am part reptilian—creating intellectual eggs, then immediately abandoning them to survive or perish in the big, wide world.
I am not on any of the usual social media, but I now have my own web page.
If you have any aspirations to be a professional writer, or even to maximize your sales, then you need to be prepared to do a lot more than I am willing to do.
I have already guaranteed a minimum of five sales. I threatened to disinherit my wife and four children if I didn’t sell at least five copies. They still think I’m joking.
Don’t do as I do, do as others say
There are many more considerations than the few listed above. Obviously I am not the ideal role model for aspiring writers. Fortunately, there are numerous resources for wannabe writers—books, online courses, blogs, and dedicated web sites.
However, I do offer the following suggestions.
- Don’t waste time by first studying the afore-mentioned materials. Start writing today. I’m guessing that splitting your time into 80% writing, and 20% reading some of the advice out there, would be a good way to start.
- Write for yourself. If anyone else enjoys your work then it’s a bonus.